How My Heart Changed My Life

October 30, 2007
We arrived at the hospital at 1:30. I was scheduled to have my c-section at 2:30pm. I didn't realize how nervous I really was until we were waiting. Finally, I was shaved and wheeled into the delivery room. Jeff soon followed. The anesthesiologist asked a few questions and spoke with us for a few. I lay there trying to relax. Until I realized I couldn't move. Now, this wasn't the first time I had a c-section. I had one 6 years earlier with my oldest Tristan. (He was 3 weeks late and refused to come out!) I began to panic. Ok, I freaked the hell out! Jeff was trying to calm me, the doctor and the anesth. were trying and nothing was working. I'm usually good at mind control and for the first time in my life I totally lost it. I ended up hitting Jeff in the face. Which I immediately apologized for. My fear was out of control. Finally after Jaden was born 7lbs. 6oz I relaxed a little.

Recovery wasn't to bad. It was much worse with Tristan. To be fair I was in labor with Tristan for 15-1/2 hours and as I mentioned 3 weeks over due. To end up being woke up at 5 in the morning to people flying all over my room. Some shaving me, taking blood. With Jaden I was able to assist with his first bath and nurse. Nursing at first was easy. He latched on had no problem. Eventually I ended up with sore, bleeding nipples. Fortunately, my neighbor was a neonatal nurse and she helped me out.

November 11, 2007
I received a call from my father's wife. She had informed me that my father was in the hospital due to having a stroke. Of course worry consumed me. I spoke with her for a while and then called my dad. He was trying to act as if everything was fine and he should be out of the hospital after some therapy. I spoke to him everyday. He talked about getting better so he could come see my family.

November 13, 2009
The day was like every other. Jeff was back at work. He had the previous week off and took very good care of me and the kids. We were still trying to adjust to having a new baby around. It was harder than we thought. I went to bed early of course. I woke up and my chest was hurting really bad. I called Jeff in told him I didn't feel well and that my chest was killing me. I told him maybe it was gas. After all, I had major abdominal surgery just 2 weeks to the day prior. I sat on the toilet and nothing. I squirmed for a while and Jeff suggested I take a Tums. Eventually my pain had passed. I remember thinking that sucked!! I went back to bed. Of course every 2 hours Jaden was waking to eat. It was at the point where I thought I'd go sleep in the car and let Jeff be the one to figure it out because I was sooooooo tired. The next day was the same. Feed, change Jaden and sleep.

November 15, 2009

The days were starting to mimic each other. I had this child who was hungry all the time. I begged him to let me sleep just for 15 minutes. I promised him crazy things like candy, toys, anything. I just wanted some sleep. That night everything was normal. About 2am. Jaden woke and let everyone know he was ready to eat. I remember sitting there feeding him, crying quietly so I wouldn't disturb Jeff. I wanted sleep so bad. 30 minutes later as Prince Charming (lol) finished eating, I changed him and put him back into the bassinet. I got back into bed. I had that same pain again. "Great here we go again with the gas, I thought." I then realized it was different. I woke Jeff and told him that pain had returned and It was really, really bad. He told me to take a Tums and come back to bed. (We joke about it now). I told him something is wrong, very wrong!! He got up, turned the light on and looked at me. "Are you ok?" he asked. I don't know, I told him. The pain intensified so much I couldn't really talk. My chest felt as if a semi had parked right on it. I had shooting pains down my left arm and a lot of pain centered in my elbow. I was sweating profusely, dripping wet, yet freezing cold, and shaking. I finally got out "Call an ambulance, I think I'm going to die!" Now, I'm not one for drama so when I said this he knew something was seriously wrong. He asked me if I was sure. I told him to call my mom instead. I knew this was not right! I was thinking it must have something to do with my c-section. I insisted he call my mom. She arrived 7 minutes later and told me we were going to the ER. I told her no I'd be ok and as my mom is she demanded "either I take you or we're calling an ambulance!" Now, I was 30 years old. But, when mom speaks you just listen and do what she says. She doesn't BS and I knew it! We pulled up to the E.R. 3 minutes later. The hospital is right down the street (3 mins.) and my mom had on her flashers. It was 2 something in the morning. She raced and got a wheel chair and pushed me in. I remember thinking on the way to the hospital, this is something so silly. As long as I'm back home by 5:00am. Jaden would be waking up to eat, yet again! At the desk I was asked a million questions. They took me right back and hooked me up to an EKG, heart monitor as well as blood pressure. The pain was unbearable. They placed an I.V. and gave me morphine while they waited for blood results. As I lay there in so much pain I kept feeling this weird "skipping a beat feeling"! It would kind of "take my breath away." I told my mom and she sat and watched my EKG. As soon as I would tell her I felt it again she would look up see my EKG jump and do funky things!
When the nurse came back in, she informed him of this. And told him to watch. I was still in so much pain. He gave me another dose of Morphine.

With this new information the nurse reported, the Dr. ordered a CAT scan. I will never forget that. The technician made me lay on my back. I had pain going straight through my chest to my back. Right under my scapula. I cried and begged him to hurry. (Remember, they had dosed me up with a ton of Morphine that was not phasing me.) I should explain. I am a person who cannot handle medications. I am so sensitive to stuff that non-drowsy knocks me out. Just as he was finishing (I get chills every time I think of the pain I had to endure through that.) Finally, a female nurse comes in and tells me to get over on the gurney because they had a 50 year old man who may be having a heart problem, and they needed to get a scan on him quick. My thought was "Oh I've got to hurry and move, this poor man!" Even in pain I was concerned for this "older" man. They wheeled me out and him in. Our beds passed as we were swapped. We looked at each other, feeling fear. The look in his eyes mimicked my own. I remember thinking I hope he is ok. It was obvious he was older 55-60 maybe. I was wheeled back to my room.

My pain was starting to lessen. But, I kept having that "skipping a beat feeling." And certainty wasn't gone! My mom told the nurse "it's as if she's having spasms." The nurse gave me more morphine. Now, you would think after as much Morphine I had I would be knocked out. Nope! The pain was preventing me from sleeping. Finally the ER Dr. came back in with a very concerned look on her face! She looked me straight in the eye and said "Mrs. Wakefield, you're cardiac enzymes are through the roof, that is VERY unusual for a person of your age. I honestly don't know what's wrong!" She had fear in her eyes as well. A look that will stay with me for ever. I was so thankful she was honest. It's scary when you go to to the one place that you feel safe in a situation like this and to know they don't know what's happening. She told me she called the cardiac team to come see me. My mom, bless her heart was a trouper. She is an amazing strong person. She never gave me any indication she was freaked out. NEVER!

My mom had dimmed the lights so I could get some rest while waiting. I finally managed to dose off. Still in pain but tolerable at this point. After all, I had been given so much morphine. At 6:30-7:00 a man and a woman came into my room and started asking 1000 questions. The man got a little lippy with my mom but she was quick to let him know it had been a long night, and she was in no mood! He calmed a little. 5 minutes after him another 3 people came in. Including a very serious cardiologist that wanted to know why he wasn't paged immediately upon receiving the call from the ER Dr. After the same battery of test and questions, I was told I needed to have a heart catheterization done STAT! It was a little after 5am. I begged for a pump. I knew my little boy was starving and Jeff had no way to feed him. I told them I needed to pump and get my baby fed. Jeff was at home with no way, no formula to feed Jaden. The nurse told me my procedure had priority over anything right then. I was very adamant that I had to feed my baby. They were going to have to wait! She argued me down. If I had time to pump before they prepped me then fine. If not sorry! WTF. I had news for her, my baby was getting fed. They quickly brought me a pump. The nurses even brought ice so my mom could keep it cold until she got to my house. Things get a little fuzzy at this point. May have had something to do with the amount of Morphine I had in my body. lol

I remember being put into this room. My mom was not allowed to come in. They wouldn't let me get up at all. I had to pee so bad. They had me hooked up to an I.V. just filling me with fluids. I told the nurse I had to go and was ready to get up. She got to me like "The Flash" and would not let me get up! I told her I just had to pee, it wouldn't take me long. I can do it. NOPE! I was not getting up. I had to use the bedpan, WTH? Are you kidding me?! Now, let me tell you that was fun. *major sarcasm* Nothing like being a grown woman, peeing in a pan, just had a baby 2 weeks prior and had to have someone else clean me up. I was devastated. Not embarrassed just extremely pissed!
I looked around this big room and the only patients I could see were "old." I thought they took me to the senior citizens section. Nope, this is where I was supposed to be. The other patients were staring at me with confusion. When orderlies or other hospital personnel would come by I got the same thing. "Well, you're to young to be here!" Thanks, they makes me feel great! I was wheeled into the "Cath Lab." I had no idea what to expect! There were about 8 people moving about rapidly. Most of them my age and little older. That was comforting, really! No matter what happened to me that whole day I will NEVER forget the Dr. who as I lay there with my eyes closed said "Natasha, Hi I'm Dr. R. I'll be doing your procedure today." OMG, I thought I was dead. He was the best looking man I had seen in ages. Not much older than me. I was in heaven, until he walked away. I then was cold and people were doing all sorts of things to me. I was being shaven, iodined, etc. I felt like the cars at Indy 500 or Nascar do when they pull into the pits. Everybody is sticking, poking, pulling and stuffing something, somewhere. They told me they were going to give me a medication to relax me. Not knock me out, but relax me. Dr. Cutiepie (as he his named now) started explaining things to me and I got nothing out of it. I'd like to blame it on his looks but it was definitely the drugs.

I woke to find myself back into that same "old people room!" When I came around Dr. Cutiepie sat at my bedside and explained a lot of things to me once again I got nothing from. At this point Jeff was finally at the hospital. He came in with horror on his face. He was so scared and freaked out! I had a nurse sitting a my side as well putting all her weight on my groin. She told me she would stay in that position for at least 20 minutes. She was applying pressure to the cath insertion point so I wouldn't bleed to death! Talk about dedication to your job. Jeff told me he finally got a hold of his mom and she was at the house with Jaden. Jeff had our neighbor get Tristan off to school. While he anxiously waited, he found and sterilized some bottles we had gotten at the baby shower. And Enfamil had sent me a can of formula in the mail. He called the pedi to make sure it was ok for Jaden.

Again things are fuzzy. I kept slipping in and out. Apparently, I was moved through the hospital to another floor. I have no recollection of that at all! I do remember seeing a sign that said Cardiac Intensive Care Unit. I was put into a room next to the nurses station. My best friend "T" appeared from nowhere. This is interesting, her mom works in the E.R. she saw my name on the board and came to see me while I was in the E.R. Later, I found out she made my mom feel so much better. Seeing someone you know, that cares helps things. She asked me if I wanted her to call "T" at work.

I had more tubes and wires coming out of me than I can explain. Everything beeped or made some kind of noise. The breast pump followed me. I asked if I could pump because I was hurting. I was so full of milk, my boobs were like rocks. They told me I had to pump and dump. The nuclear "stuff" they put into me made my milk unsafe for consumption. Ok, whatever. I'm still unaware of the severity of the situation I am in. At this point I am thinking this is a major inconvenience. Oh Lord, I had to pee again. I hit the nurses button and she came in with that ridiculous salmon colored bedpan again. I asked if I could go to the toilet just once. When I was told no I didn't even put up a fight. I don't remember much more.

The next day, the same cardiologist that had come into my room in the ER had shown up again. I don't remember what question I had asked, but he says "when you have a heart attack......." I stopped him in mid sentence. I asked "what do you mean, when you have a heart attack? I had a heart attack? Like a real heart attack?" (apparently in my mind there are fake ones. ????) I looked at my mom in shock. I thought I was having a really bad dream. It seemed so unreal. I'm 30 years old. I just had a baby! I'm 30! I just had a baby! 3-0, 30 years old.

He then explained that what had occurred was SCAD (Spontaneous Coronary Artery Dissection.) My LAD (left anterior descending artery) "ripped." As well, as my left circumflex artery. There were multiple unexplained blockages as well. The Apex (bottom portion of the heart) was no longer receiving blood. Hormones that are released after giving birth caused my arteries to thin and rip. This caused important parts of my heart not to receive blood flow, which resulted in the heart attacks. At this point I was in total shock. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. He said a bunch of other things that I heard none of. This was the moment that changed my life forever!

More to follow.

Here goes

So, I'm kind of new at this. I won't lie, I am really new to this. I've always wanted to start one but never put the time or energy into it. With a little motivation from a few good friends I decided to go for it. They are much more creative than I that's for sure. I'm gonna take a shot anyway!

It seems like a wise idea to put my daily doings on ummmm.....paper?! It may be fun or it could backfire some how. We'll see. If you have any complaints see the complaint department. There you will receive the IDGAD treatment. Yep, I Don't Give A Damn! I'm not a mean person, I'm not hateful. I just try to be as honest and real as possible. And people who aren't bother me. If you're going to judge me that's your problem. I am me!

Sooooooo, Here Goes!